Serendipity, Swipes, and the Search for Love in Paris

Paris, the city of love, or is it? For a city that has been used as the backdrop for so many classic romantic films, you would think finding romance would be as easy as finding a croissant. One of my best friends, Sophie Chirco, MA in Global Communications student, described what dating is like in Paris by this quote: "They say that God made Paris so beautiful and perfect with the architecture, museums, and passageways...that he made French men to balance out the scales." 

Coming into the dating scene of Paris, my points of reference were romantic films such as Amélie, Before Sunset, and Midnight in Paris. I had a preconceived notion that French men would plan some of the most romantic dates, filled with some of Paris' most romantic landmarks. That their words would be as smooth as the poetry and literature written in the past. 

Where's the romance? 

Sadly, even the view of the Notre Dame on a rainy day could not save even the worst date. Ironically, some of my worst dates have been near Notre Dame. Truthfully, the Paris landmarks are probably the worst areas to have a date near. Too expensive, too crowded, and definitely not a quiet spot to get to know someone. Instead of dancing to live music by the Seine, typical dates in Paris consist of the most inexpensive bars for a quick drink. So where do you find romance in the City of Love? 

Despite my own experience with one glass wine daters, lovebombers, and overpromisers/underdelivers, there are some success stories of whirlwind romances that could easily be written about. Mia Kabillio and Sameerah San Luis, two AUP MA students, live to tell the tale of the romance that does exist in Paris. Both met their French partners through dating apps and now both share an apartment in Paris that they call home with them. 

The City of Love meets the Age of Algorithm 

The older generation romanticizes the idea of meeting someone in person, by chance at a bar, party, or on the street. They also heavily criticize the use of dating apps calling it shallow. But is it shallow to know what you want and who your type is? San Luis makes the argument that meeting a stranger at a bar nowadays is almost the same as meeting a stranger through the apps. The only difference is you at least get an expectation of who you are meeting from their bio, pictures, and prior conversation. 

"If I met a stranger at a bar, I don't know if it'll be a Jeffrey Dahmer situation. Beforehand, I want to make sure I can vet them, see their age and preferences. Then we can chat and see if we get along," San Luis stated. 

From her own experience, the men who stood out the most to San Luis on the dating apps weren't the ones sending corny one sentence pick up lines or compliments. Just when she was about to call it quits one profile stood out from all the rest. Oscar (her future boyfriend) caught her attention the most by being very detailed on who he was and what he was searching for. 

"I was actually very close to deleting it and somehow the algorithm said no, one more. I swiped right on him and we matched automatically. He texted me first this really nice message, very in detail, almost like a Linkedin profile. Then I was like okay, he's really sweet," San Luis stated. 

From there they began to talk and never stopped. In a city as large as Paris, where most locals keep tight circles, the apps provide the ability to meet people you may never come across otherwise. Call it serendipity, call it fate, but at the end of the day does it really matter how and where you met your future partner? Or is all that matters, is that you two met. 

So what happens when you meet these infamous french men? 

To me, Kabillio and San Luis are experts on dating French men, so I wanted to ask them about the myths surrounding the men and their romantic pursuits. Unlike American dating standards, there is a myth that a French man will not formally ask you to be their official girlfriend. Instead, three or more dates strongly solidifies the message of a relationship. If that were true, many other girls and I would have several relationships with French men behind us. Instead, "situationship," is the title more often used when I ask about the status of people's relationships while dating in Paris. 

So the main question on my mind...

"Is there a balance between the guys who want to move in together right away and the ones who don't even ask your last name?" Both women in the past noticed men's love bombing, and in contrast, the men who were very direct on purely sexual pursuits. They also both noted men of the past having the similarities of grand statements, but empty promises. Kabillio answered my question perfectly, stating, "This true romance can be a reality, but not with every guy. The guy has to be a guy who's looking for a relationship and ready for one. BUT then again, the only guy I met like this was my boyfriend." 

So, where do you find the men who are looking for a relationship and ready for one? Well, if I had that answer, I'd share it with you, but I unfortunately don't. I guess you could say French men are more alike than I had guessed, available in almost every boulangerie, but the taste varies from location, kind of like their relationship goals. But when you find a good croissant, you never let it go. 

Paris is the city of love, but the love doesn't magically exist. It's created from the strangers who turn into lovers and spread hope to others. From personal experience, you could go to the top of the Eiffel Tower for several dates, but the most memorial and romantic moments can be created anywhere in the city, it just requires the right person by your side.