Why Being Young Lets You Get Away With Murder

When freshman Amanda Ayer cold-emailed a venture capitalist with a message that began with “Hey, super random but I'm a big fan of what you’re doing…” you might have assumed it would be ignored, redirected, or quickly deleted. Instead, it turned into a summer internship. 

There is a narrow window in life when you can send an email that starts with “Hey!!” wear a questionable outfit, or post a video of yourself dancing online and somehow walk away with your dignity intact. Perhaps even magnified. That "narrow window" is called youth, and it is society’s most generous grace period. 

Sociologists and psychologists technically call this period “emerging adulthood,” and it may be the only time in life when society actively expects you to fail and forgives you for it. In your late teens and early twenties when you are first emerging into the adult world, being awkward isn’t a crime, it’s practically a personality trait and a rite of passage. You’re “figuring it out” and “finding yourself.” You’re allowed to be a little loud, a little wrong, a little cringe. The same behavior, 10 or 15 years later, suddenly is labeled unprofessional, embarrassing, or concerning.

Youth comes with a kind of cultural immunity that applies both socially and professionally. This carries the assumption that this period of our lives is essentially a prolonged trial run and once it expires, the rules change fast. 

The Cute Phase of Mistakes

Psychologists have long understood early adulthood as a critical period for identity formation. Developmental psychologist Erik Erikson described early adulthood as a period defined by “experimentation and instability.” A 2018 study published in the academic journal for Applied Developmental Science supports that view, finding that people between 18 and 25 are more likely to experiment with values, relationships, careers, and self-presentation, often through trial and error more than any other age group. Society accommodates this and anticipates young people to be unpredictable and make mistakes.

That expectation is powerful. It’s why a 21-year-old oversharing at a party is “funny,” while a 35-year-old doing the same thing is “awkward” and “needs a therapist.” It’s why a recent college graduate hopping between internships, side hustles, and part-time jobs looks ambitious but a mid-career professional doing the same raises eyebrows and questions regarding commitment issues.

In almost all facets of life, the younger you are, the lower the stakes and the less severe the consequences. Mistakes are growth rather than defining failures. Growing up in the digital age, Gen Z has leaned into this logic hard online where embarrassment has become a kind of currency for virality. Scroll through TikTok for five minutes and you’ll see it: college students documenting failed dates, awkward presentations, and chaotic moments that accumulate millions of views in the process. Oversharing and bad dancing isn't just tolerated, it's celebrated. It’s almost as though it serves as a final act of rebellion for the younger generation against the “fake,” over-polished version of adulthood. Being messy is real. 

But this permission doesn’t last forever.

Professionalism Is Optional (For Now)

The same grace period exists in early careers. Young adults are inclined and even encouraged to reach out boldly, take risks, and “just ask.” And if those asks come out slightly unprofessional or unhinged, they’re likely forgiven.

A cold email that’s too forward. A LinkedIn message that’s overly casual. An idea pitch that ignores traditional hierarchies. Early in your career, these are read as eagerness. Later on, they’re read as arrogance or impertinence.

“I’ve sent emails I would never send now,” said Sarah Mancoll, a 23-year-old master's student and personal assistant.

There’s also more flexibility in how ambition is interpreted. A resume full of short-term roles, odd jobs, and lateral moves in your early twenties signals curiosity and hard work. It can be read as exploring or gaining diversified experience. However, a similar resume at 35 or 40 years old will often be regarded as noncommittal, even if the skills gained are identical. 

Youth offers plausible deniability. Young hires are new and learning and therefore didn’t know the email was supposed to be formal. They can’t be expected to innately know you need to schedule meetings via an assistant. That ignorance, whether real or strategic, creates opportunity.

For some, especially women, youth can also carry an uncomfortable social advantage. Being young and attractive can make people more willing to respond, mentor, or connect. It’s not fair, and it’s not universal but it’s undeniable and seems to disappear with time.

This is not the only double standard and not everyone benefits equally from youth’s forgiveness. Research on workplace bias suggests that mistakes by women and people of color are often judged more harshly than identical behavior from white male peers due to differing expectations.

An Era of Easy Access

Socially, early adulthood is one of the only times when everyone is a stranger forming connections. You’re thrown into college dormitories, shared apartments, first jobs, and transient communities. Friendships form naturally and quickly. Networks overlap. Social and professional lives blur.

You can float between cultures, friend groups, and identities with minimal explanation. You can show up somewhere knowing no one and leave with a group chat. 

As people age, social circles begin to cement. When free time becomes scarce, people become very intentional with said time and tend to spend it strengthening and maintaining already existing relationships. New interactions also begin to come with assumptions about professionalism, intention, status. Mingling becomes networking, which is formalized. Casual connection gets replaced with strategic connection.

The Cost of Playing It Safe

Fear of embarrassment or failure is one of the strongest behavioral regulators in adulthood. Research shows that as people age, concern about risk and evaluation increases. We have built a foundation and are more aware of what’s at stake: our reputations, careers, relationships, etc., and less willing to risk losing those things.

The irony is that many of the traits we admire and provide the best of outcomes, such as creativity, confidence, and originality, are built through taking risks. Being willing to look dumb or fail is often the price of doing something interesting.

When society stops forgiving awkwardness and mistakes, people stop experimenting or trying the thing that might not work. 

In Defense of Cringe

Being young doesn’t just let you get away with things, it also teaches you how to fail safely. It’s a rehearsal period for adulthood, one where mistakes are instructive instead of terminal.

The danger isn’t growing out of the embarrassing phase but rather forgetting what it gives us.

At some point, everyone has to play by the stricter rules of society. But early adulthood offers a rare chance to push boundaries while the consequences are minute. So send the email, take the weird job, post the thing, and talk to the stranger. Be earnest in taking risks.

Because “you should know better” will eventually apply and one day that behavior won’t read as “cute” — it’ll read as tacky. And by then, you’ll wish you’d taken more advantage of the time when being a little embarrassing wasn’t so bad.

Youth is more than just energy — it's leverage.