Bisous vs. Baiser: How to Successfully Date in Paris
How exactly does one navigate dating in another country in another language? With help from those who have already tried it out, of course. You need look no further than my Tinder stories for the best of the worst I've met in Paris. Since then, I have managed to wrangle myself a rather lovely boyfriend who speaks very little English. Here is my guide for you to help you navigate the differences between dating à la Francais and in North America.
The stereotype.
French men have a reputation for straying, but in their defense they are usually upfront if that is what they're doing. I have a friend who met a guy who asked her if she lived alone and she said yes, thinking he thought she might live with her family or roommates. She asked him the same question and he replied that he lived with his girlfriend of six years and their dog, but she was out of town. C'est la vie.
Be aware that when you kiss, you are now together exclusively.
There is no grace period of dating in France, if you've kissed, s/he assumes that you two are in a relationship and not dating anyone else.
Image credit: Flickr/fee-ach
If they can't make out, run.
No matter how cute they are. If they can't even kiss, odds are it only goes downhill from there.
Don't wait to have sex.
Have sex whenever you want to, waiting for a long time is seen as strange. This isn't America, men will not think you're easy for having sex within the first three dates. That said, try to keep a bit of mystery. Don't go flinging yourself at them as soon as the check comes, and don't text them incessantly. That's not even a French dating tip, that's a good life tip.
Be confident in bed.
Here in the 21st century, women are allowed to enjoy themselves sexually. We are allowed to take charge of our own pleasure and tell our partners how to please us. If this scares you, be open and tell them. Most French men thrive off of pleasing their partners, so faking it doesn't do anyone any favors.
Watch your words.
The French language has no clear way of telling a romantic interest that you just like them. You can go for je t'aime bien, but I have an irrational fear that they won't hear me say bien and will run for the hills. Tu me plais is slightly less serious but doesn't have quite as nice of a ring to it. French relationships tend to progress fairly quickly in any case, you might be hearing je t'aime sooner than you expect.
Image credit: Flickr/Dustin Gaffke
This is not a romance movie.
Chances are you will not be strolling down the Champs Elysées together peering in the windows of Cartier and Tiffany's, nor will you be putting locks on any bridges to proclaim your eternal love. As any good Frenchman knows, the tourist mobs of the Champs Elysées are to be avoided at all costs, and why on Earth would anyone put a perfectly good lock on a bridge? That said, you will go for walks along the Seine, have picnics in beautiful parks in the summer, and there's a good chance you might even score a scooter ride past the sparkling Eiffel Tower one night.
Finally, there are hidden benefits...
Have you ever tried to figure out how to send a lettre recommandé at the Post Office or get a carte de sejour? Get yourself a French boyfriend and all of your cultural problems will be solved. But I probably send my boyfriend more messages asking what words mean than I ask him about his day.
Now all you have to do is actually find someone to date. Bonne chance, mes amis, et à bientôt...
