Mar 13th, 2017, 12:55 AM

Breakup Therapy for a Broken Heart

By Polina Chaikina
Image Credit: Shutterstock (Ines Bazdar)
A few simple steps to stop thinking about your ex and move on with your life.

Ending a relationship is always difficult — whether or not it was your decision to break up. You dwell on the emotions and feelings you shared, the good or bad times (at least I did). Emotional pain and feelings of withdrawal overwhelm you and make you feel unhappy and depressed. You want to get rid of that feeling as quickly as possible.

I was upset, heartbroken, and angry. I never imagined myself in such a situation where I would be crying, day and night, over a person with whom I was so deeply in love. Spending so much time with one person, and when apart constantly thinking about him — and, all of a sudden, you have no one to message “good morning” or “I love you”. It really brings you down. The only thing that I wanted to do was to forget that our relationship ever existed. 

Image credit: Shutterstock (Eldar Nurkovic)

A few things that helped me for the first few weeks were writing, reading, watching movies, sometimes crying and (my guilty pleasure) ice cream and chocolate. All of that is great, but it doesn't help in the long run. You still get negative thoughts and eventually spiral right back down to whining over a relationship that is over.  

So here are a few suggestions for all of the broken-hearted people out there.

If you decide to stay friends with your ex, make sure you give yourself a few months of space at the very least. You will never get over your relationship if you won’t give yourself a chance to move on and find something new. Make sure you keep your distance from your former partner for as long as you need. This doesn't mean just stop seeing the person, but also stop all means of communication. It won’t be forever, but just cut that piece of your history from you life for some time.

Start taking care of yourself. Following the first few weeks after your breakup, you will realize that you don't look your best. Make sure to give yourself a treatment or makeover that you deserve. I suggest to start with a spa day. Go to a spa complex where you can enjoy yourself in saunas, pool, and maybe get a relaxing massage. This will certainly relax your mind and body, and will lift your spirits in the following weeks.

Image credit: Shutterstock.

Yes, treat yourself. Go out and get yourself a new haircut or a new coat. Just go to your favorite store and buy something you wanted for a very long time. It doesn’t have to be a necessity or something useful, just follow your desire and get something you dreamed about for a while. This will help you to feel better about yourself. Get what you want because you deserve it.

Try and reflect on your past relationship. Not to go back to thinking about good times with your ex, sometimes it’s okay to think about the bad things that happened. Speaking from personal experience, it really helps to resist the urge to call, text etc. Focus on your ex’s negative traits and things you didn’t like. However, don’t let the feeling of anger overwhelm you, as you might take impulsive decisions when acting on negative emotions.

Drinking won’t help. Try to find a more healthy solution to soothe your pain. Two great stress relief strategies that permit you to get rid of negative thoughts are sports and studies (or work). Spending the day at the university, working on projects, and producing content for my work helped me distract myself from painful memories. When I had free time after work, I went directly to the swimming pool to drown my sorrows in cool blue water. Feeling the water gently cloak my body while pushing forward, and finally rising to the surface for a breath, feels incredible if you love swimming as much as I do.

Image credit: Shutterstock (Mila Glashkenko)

Get out and do things. Be more social, see your friends, meet new people and explore new locations. Prove to yourself that you are surrounded by people who care about you. Go to bars, have a few meals out and maybe spend a night dancing in a club with your best friends. I went roller skating in a park with friends and then visited a few museums that I haven’t been to in a while. When I went out to bars, I made a lot of new friends and these acquaintances made me feel more comfortable after moving to Paris. Honestly, there are so many things to discover and explore, so don’t limit yourself by locking yourself up in your room with Netflix and wine. I did that but only for one week as it got boring — and extremely unhealthy for the liver.

Finally, the best advice that I can give you is to learn how to love yourself. Put yourself first, at least once, care about how you feel and what you think — not how the other person would react. Nobody will be able to love you unless you learn to love yourself. Fall in love with yourself, appreciate and respect yourself and then people you meet will feel the same way about you.

Remember, no lost relationship is worth making you and your life miserable. Prove to yourself that you deserve something better, that you deserve to be happy.

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