30 and Single is the Modern Woman's Fairy Tale
When I learned last weekend that two more of my girlfriends back home in Texas are due to give birth to their first child in the next few months, it just made me realise that, pretty soon, I will be the only one of my friends left unmarried and childless.
You might think that, with my thirty-second birthday coming up in December, I would be concerned about my single relationship status and actively looking for “Mr. Right”. But that is simply not the case. I spent over a decade of my adult life so far being in long-term, serious, monogamous relationships with men I thought surely one day I would marry. Like all little girls, I dreamed of one day marrying Prince Charming. But as an adult, I am glad that is not the path my life has taken.
Contrary to what traditional society tells women, I have learned that my happiness is not contingent on being with a man. My great-grandparents, grandparents, and even my own parents grew up in generations that taught women that if they wanted to be happy they needed to find a good man to settle down with, get married, and have children. This outdated theory of codependence as the magic formula for happiness is still alive in well in my generation, but I was raised differently. My parents always insisted that I could be whatever I wanted to be, do whatever I wanted to do, and live the life I wanted to live as long as I stayed true to myself. With or without a man, my life is my own. My happiness depends on pursuing my dreams and living my life free of any anchors that may tie me down and keep me from achieving my full potential.
I searched online for similar stories of self-fulfillment and happiness in modern day women but sadly the predominant air of the articles I found is quite negative so I chose not to share them. Bitter women jaded by watching their friends suffer in terrible marriages that end in divorce, young Millennials who refuse to adhere to societal norms simply to rebel against their mothers, and far too many single mothers describing all the reasons they are better off without marrying their baby’s father -- that doesn't paint the picture of happiness and freedom that I experience every day.
The studies on why more and more women are choosing not to marry cover the entire spectrum of women being cheated on, violence in domestic situations, the overwhelming stereotype of the miserable stay-at-home-mother, and women who have had children and never returned to their pre-child body types. So it would appear that though the notion of women staying single is growing in popularity, my personal experience and views on the issue relocate me to a very small percentage of women.
Every night I walk home to the beautiful, glowing Eiffel Tower only two blocks from my apartment in Paris. I am single and free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want. I am studying for my Master's degree in Global Communication with the hope of staying in Paris after graduation to pursue my dreams of working for UNESCO or UNICEF. I am physically in the best shape of my life, and emotionally I am happier than ever. When I think about the alternative path my life could have taken I can’t help but smile. I am happy for all my friends who chose to get married and have children, but I am even happier for myself that I chose not to.
[Photos: Flickr: Jason, Colorado State University, PeterPan]
