Moving from Cravings to Consciousness

At first, desire can feel like a gentle pull. I remember the subtle gravity between me and the pair of red velvet shoes I saw at a boutique in Saint-Germain-des-Prés. As the need to make them mine deepened, so did the feelings of anticipation and excitement. I was convinced that pleasure was waiting (impatiently, I must admit) on the other side of that desire. I bought the shoes the very same day.

It’s no secret that fashion can spark desire by tapping into our most primal needs for belonging, identity, and expression. But desire carries an energy of restlessness, a sense of incompleteness, a feeling of being caught between the present moment and the promise of something. The fashion industry creates the illusion that happiness, beauty, or success are just a purchase away. Through marketing and media, we are constantly reminded that we are missing something—and that we can easily fill the void with another sweater, another scarf, another pair of shoes to add to the cart.

This endless consumption is not without environmental and ethical costs; but despite our growing awareness, we still find ourselves falling victim to sartorial temptation. The fashion industry encourages us to buy, discard, and repeat, unless we want to get left behind. While more and more brands are taking steps toward sustainability—using regenerative materials, creating take-back programs, upcycling existing garments—the speed of the fashion remains faster than ever. Even those of us who genuinely care about people and the planet get pulled back into the cycle. And I found myself wondering: what can we do about it?

To discover the answer, we need to understand our desires more deeply. The conversation around sustainability is often focused on systemic issues like pricing or brand responsibility; and while those discussions are important, they sometimes overlook our personal role in the cycle. What’s often missing is the curiosity towards why we feel the need for more clothes in the first place.

For many of us, shopping is rooted in our emotional landscape. We turn to retail therapy when we’re stressed, anxious, bored, or insecure – consuming to avoid the feelings we’d rather not face. When we’re living in a dysregulated emotional state, we have less cognitive capacity for conscious decision-making. Instead, we lean towards instant gratification, seeking quick relief from the discomfort we feel. And honestly, it’s a lot more fun to buy a pair of shoes than it is it confront my stresses, insecurities, or anxieties about the future. But in doing this, I also fail to confront the long-term impact of my purchases and the fleeting nature of the satisfaction I receive from them. It seems like many of us are left with a closet full of clothes and an emptiness that the shopping never quite fills.

So, what can we do? If we want to make choices that align more deeply with our values – whether it’s in fashion or any area of life – we must start by knowing ourselves. This begins with cultivating a deeper understanding of our emotions. The practice of interoception involves paying attention to internal sensations and what’s happening inside your body and mind. Research also suggests that when we’re in tune with our internal state, we’re better equipped to regulate our emotions and make decisions that come from a place of awareness rather than reactivity.

Before buying something, we can pause. In a world full of distractions, taking that pause is a radical act of self-care. We can notice the emotional triggers that drive our shopping habits, and instead of reacting, we can choose healthier, more intentional responses. In the words of Austrian psychologist Viktor Frankl, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

This isn’t about blaming ourselves for wanting new clothes or feeling guilty for our past purchases. It’s about softening into a deeper awareness of why we do the things we do and giving ourselves the chance to choose differently. To choose in alignment with what really matters to us.

Next time you feel that urge to buy something new, you might ask yourself: How am I feeling in this moment? Can I sit with this feeling instead of running from it?

And if you notice that you’re in a heightened emotional state, there are ways to bring yourself back to balance:

Grounding: Feel your feet or your hands on the earth, connecting with its stillness. Give yourself permission to be supported by its stability.

Breathing techniques: Take a few slow, deep breaths, allowing your stomach to rise on the inhale, and releasing any tension on the exhale. Repeat as many times as needed.

Movement: Sometimes our emotions get stuck in the body, and a simple walk or stretch can help us release what we’re holding.

Co-regulation: Reach out to someone you trust. Share what you’re feeling. Often, just speaking the truth of our emotions brings a sense of relief.

Fashion, at its heart, is a form of self-expression, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look and feel good in the clothes we wear. But when I bring mindfulness into my relationship with clothes, I can make choices that don’t just reflect my momentary desires and cravings, but the deeper, more conscious values I hold. 

And I’m discovering that the happiness I’m seeking was never in the red velvet shoes to begin with.