Feb 4th, 2020, 02:23 AM

Ghosting: Why We All Need to Suck It Up

By Adriana Alonso
girl texting
Image Credit: Unsplash/Paul Hanaoka
A message to both the ghosters and the ghosted.

If you're past your teenage years and have engaged in texting with someone of your desired gender, chances are you've been ghosted. If you haven't, let me tell you – it'll happen sooner or later. Those who have grown up in the Digital Age probably already know what ghosting is. For the fortunate ones who haven't endured the inexplicable pain of being ghosted – or maybe you have, but couldn't put a name to it – it's when someone disappears from your life with no explanation, withdrawing from all communication. It most commonly manifests in one, or several, unanswered texts. In worst cases, an unfollow. Or even a block. 

As a ghostee myself, I've done my fair share of research. Most of the articles I've read put a big emphasis on letting the reader know that when they're ghosted, the problem lies within the person ghosting, not them. The classic "it's not you; it's me." But that's what has to be said to avoid hurting anyone's feelings. 

I wanted real answers. So I took to Instagram and asked my followers: "If you've ever ghosted someone, why was it?" Some people had really specific responses. "I was still stuck on my ex." "They had really bad spelling." "He couldn't get it up." "I found out they had a girlfriend." "He was too intense." "I forgot to reply, and then it was too late." "They tried to put my friends against me when I started dating someone new." "They wouldn't get the hint."

Part of the conducted Instagram story survey. Image credit: Instagram/Adriana Alonso

However, the two most popular answers were, by far, "I got bored" and "I lost interest." After asking them to elaborate on their answers, all of the "uninterested" ghosters had another thing in common: they all wanted to avoid confrontation. So, my dear ghosters, next time you are considering ghosting someone, I invite you to take their feelings into consideration. Balance out the weight of avoiding confrontation because you're too lazy or too scared with another person "feeling like crap" or "getting [their] self-esteem crushed" (more quotes from my followers). Suck it up. Give them a warning. Let them know you are leaving their lives. It probably sounds harder than it is, and whatever happens won't leave them feeling worse than they would if you ghosted them. 

Still, if you suffer from this fear of confrontation, three sentences telling you to get over it probably won't change your mind. So here is where I want to address my fellow ghostees and tell them that they, too, need to suck it up. Ghosters will exist forever. Don't let what happens in one person's mind change the feelings in yours. You can't control other people's actions, but you can 100 percent control how you react to them and how much you let them affect you. Life goes on. You weren't their cup of tea, just as many people probably haven't been yours. You can't make everyone like you. And nobody is obliged to. This doesn't take away the pain that you may feel, but don't act like there are not 7 billion humans in the world. Just how I guaranteed you've already been ghosted, or eventually will be, I can guarantee you'll find someone better.