Tale of Two Cities: An American in Paris and London
Paris, I love you... but we need to talk.
After leaving Paris for a weekend in London, I couldn’t help but feel like I was cheating on my beloved new city with everything from enjoying the cleanish tube (Métro) to the politeness of everyone whether it be in a generous bartender at a Soho pub or a homeless person wishing me a great day.
Where I felt most scandalous was when it came to eating at restaurants and receiving excellent customer service everywhere we went, a contrast to occasional (but frequent enough) horrible restaurant experiences in Paris. When it comes to customer service, and just having manners in general, we could all learn something from the English but the debates of superiority between London and Paris are nothing new. Evaluating several contextual ranging opinions on the matter, for example the Huffington Post's "20 reasons how London always wins when compared to Paris" and The Local's attempt to stand up for Paris with viable arguments such as cost of living and food, I realized that this comparison is highly subjective and will always be debatable. This debate is something I was also constantly reminded of through commentary made from the group I traveled with in London. At times it felt constant negativity towards Paris rather than constructive comparisons.
The pros and cons of each city are something that will most likely never change and shouldn't need to either. This is what makes London, London, and Paris, Paris. My only complaint is having to listen to those who outwardly complain about their experience being in either place, or comparing one to the other as if it’s good or bad based through their biased immature lens (immature in the sense that no one has even spent enough time in either place or culturally submerged themselves enough to understand or have a right to an opinion). Instead, many expect each place to adapt to them and enjoy their time seemingly only when it does.
The constant struggle as a foreigner in Paris makes those amazing moments taste that much sweeter. This city teaches you things that you couldn't learn the same way anywhere else like the process of letting go. The phrase c'est comme ça (meaning "that's the way it is") is something you'll hear and say regularly, usually when you're just having to accept the way things are which can sometimes be slow, inconvenient, inconsistent, frustrating, demotivating and counterproductive in the eyes of an American, foreign counterpart and even French people.
The task at hand is to move on from it and keep focused on what you're ultimately trying to achieve relative to everything from getting a haircut to completing a Masters Degree. Many foreigners can't handle it, dwell on the negative and don't try to tell themselves a different story of what their experiencing, to learn and assimilate. To those people I would say you don't deserve Paris until you decide to change. It's a city that requires commitment, persistence, and passion. It provides you with inspiration, beautiful lessons that challenge you to grow, pushes you to your limits and you get a lot in return. You get to live in Paris.
So in the final analysis, and in my biased opinion, I would say no one has the right to an opinion, myself included. Sharing stories and supporting each other through the struggle is an constructive way to get affirmation and support through the process of immersion, but if you don’t plan to try to immerse yourself while you're here, and I mean really try including learning French (a lifetime commitment -- even French people learn new words in their own language all the time), having empathy and objectively do your best to step outside of yourself and learn something about someone else and another amazing culture, then I’m sorry but please complain in private. You’re not enjoyable to be around and worse, you’re not helping yourself to make the most out of your time anywhere but especially in Paris.
As a foreign transplant we need to challenge ourselves to understand instead of judge and find the solution to a problem instead of complain, which could even just be stepping back from the situation and realizing that it could be a problem only because you’re making it one and you need to let it go and move on. This is a skill that can can be used in any context, personal or professional, and priceless if you're able to attain it.
I’m not only standing up for Paris but challenging American bias in general. I’ve realized it’s a constant habit for many Americans to expect accommodation, myself included, and it's frustrating when we don't get what we want since we've been raised to believe this the norm of serive industries. My hope is to change this engrained part of ourselves by growing into more selfless, culturally competent ambassadors that take the time and investment to fully particiapte in this once in a lifetime experience.
Here's a video with female, Iranian-born Canadian-educated Associate Professor in Psychology, Saba Safdar, on TEDxGuelphU about understanding culture, immersion, becoming culturally competent. TEDx introduces her by presenting her "studies (on) the influence of the psychological resilience of immigrants, of their beliefs and strategies, and of their ethnic and national identities on their adaptation in a new society. In addition to her research on immigration, she is interested in examining the academic, psychological, and social adaptation processes among international students."
[Cartoon image: FrenchRadioLondon.com]
