Oct 22nd, 2018, 11:00 AM

Why Does Your Bartender Seem Annoyed?

By Alizée Chaudey
Image Credit: Alizée Chaudey
The thoughts of your Amex bartender.

Disclaimer: this is a satire piece and is not meant to offend anyone. 

Have you ever stood in line at the Amex and wondered why your bartender looks so incredibly annoyed? More often than not, it is because you or a fellow customer have done something to deserve it. 

1.An absense of Hello, Please, and Thank you

Spoiler alert: Your bartender is a human. More so, your bartender is one of your fellow students. If you are greeted with a smile, don't just blankly stare at them and throw your money on the counter while demanding for a "café!"

"Hello," "please," and "thank you" shouldn't need to be forced out of your mouth. They are a basic sign of being well-mannered, educated, and polite. Your Amex bartenders really do want to hear someone thank us for the things that we do, even if it is our job.

2. Impatience

Yes, we see you and will get to you as soon as we can. Don't interrupt your bartender when you are not receiving your desired attention. Don't yell "Water! Water! Water!" at us- we are busy taking someone's order. You will need to wait in line.

3. Not deciding upon your order

Seems like a no-brainer, but think about your order before or while standing in line. Don't hold up the line for ten minutes while blatantly "umming" with an open mouth. 

Image credit: Alizée Chaudey

4. Keeping your laptop out

Let's be honest here: if you're on your second pint and talking with three other customers, put your laptop/notebook away. You're not fooling anyone. Enjoy your beer and work later. You'll thank us. Unless you fall into the group of people who don't have "thank you" in their basic vocabulary.

5. Getting too drunk

Please drink responsibly at events, or any other regular day. We, just like you, don't want you passing out on the Amex couch or puking in the flower pots. This is not a place for drinking games at two in the afternoon. If we cut you off, we're saving you the embarrassment and us the clean-up. So stop yelling. Also, there is a reason why we don't serve alcohol before noon: this is a university. Either stop complaining or head to one of the pubs off-campus.

6. Comparing our drinks to other establishments

Don't tell us "the matcha-chocolate-cappuccino I had at Starbucks was so much better than this!" If Starbucks makes better drinks, go there.  

7. Being expected to know your dietary restrictions

If you don't tell us that you are lactose intolerant, we will not know. If you cannot drink regular milk, ask for a different kind of milk. Don't yell at us after you've finished your drink, accusing us of trying to murder you. If you realize your drink has regular milk, proceed to drink it, and then yell at us, then you are the worst kind of customer and should stick with your Starbucks. If you have any dietary restrictions, warn us when placing your order. 

Image credit: Alizée Chaudey

8. Expecting us to charge your phone

There are plugs in the Amex; if you cannot find one, charge your phone in your laptop. We are not an Apple store, so please bring your own charger. Our job is not to charge your phone behind the bar, and hand it to you every time you need to feed your phone addiction. As customers, you are not allowed behind the bar. If you do leave your phone charging behind the bar, we are not responsible for watching it.

9. Bonus: Asking us for medication

It's not that we don't want to help you, or that we want to keep our stash of aspirins for ourselves. Legally, we cannot give you medicine. It goes against French law. Don't shame us if we are unable to help you.

Remember to treat your bartender with respect: we are students, just like you. We are not your servant, nor a potential date. We treat you in a professional manner and expect you to do the same. Respect the professionalism and don't take advantage of it. This is our place of employment where you are the guest. Be polite and behave like the educated human being we know you can be.