Apr 20th, 2018, 03:00 PM

A Definitive Ranking of the AUP Bathrooms

By Amanda Clizbe
Image Credit: Amanda Clizbe
The Peacock Plume determines once and for all which AUP bathroom reigns supreme.

Let's face it. Everyone, student and teacher alike, has created this list in their heads at some point in their AUP career. Commonly disputed and hotly contested, the Peacock Plume aims to put an end to the multitude of banter and answers what is often referred to as the existential question of the century: Which AUP bathroom is the best? 

First, we must establish the variables taken into consideration when evaluating each bathroom situation, so this publication cannot be accused of fraud or taken for a victim of lobbying. This is a purely scientific evaluation of all of the American University of Paris's most private spaces, and must not be confused for an individual or even conglomerate interpretation of which toilet places highest in the ranks.

The variables taken into account are privacy, cleanliness, connection with the outside world and general experience. Using an extremely advanced algorithm based on these variables, each bathroom was scored from 1-10.

Lastly, it is important to note that only the seven most notable bathrooms were included on this list. 

7. The Library


Image Credit: Amanda Clizbe 

Arguably the most primitive of the AUP bathrooms, I see this quaint latrine as the estranged brother of the classic American outhouse, although what it makes up for in advanced plumbing it lacks in general ambiance and natural lighting. 

Overall Score: 4.6/10

6. Saint Dominique 


Image Credit: Amanda Clizbe 

Have you ever been inside the bathroom of a strip mall Burger King? Take that experience and then add to it more mysterious hair, puddles, and the occasional run-in with your English teacher. This bathroom trumps the library bathroom due to its plentiful legroom, albeit only by a smidge. 

Overall Score: 5.2/10 

5. Combes 1st Floor 


Image Credit: Amanda Clizbe 

Did you think the social hub of AUP was the "Amex"? Well, you're wrong. It's the first-floor bathroom in Combes. This bathroom is nice enough - cleanly, pleasantly lit, and decorated in good taste. However, it is tremendously lacking in character and does not face half the adversity of its fellow loos. 

Overall Score: 5.9/10 

4. Amelie


Image Credit: Amanda Clizbe 

This lesser known indie facility gets a bad rap, but I am here to change that. This little lavatory must carry the weight of every student, faculty member and security guard that enters the premise, and is also in a building that may or may not be an unused storage closet. The Amelie bathroom is best characterized by its endurance and tremendous heart. 

Overall Score: 6.0/10 

3. Grenelle 


Image Credit: Amanda Clizbe 

If the ground floor Grenelle bathroom was an ice cream flavor, it would be vanilla. Have you ever had a bad experience in this bathroom? Probably not. But the Grenelle bathroom has never been known to produce a groundbreaking, epiphany-inducing experience for its users either. 

Overall Score: 7.9/10 

2. Tour Maubourg 

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It is a fact that no student has ever been in the Tour Maubourg bathroom. But as the bathroom for the administrative personnel, also known as the "AUP Elite," there is no doubt that this bathroom is as lavish as they come, adorned with gold-flecked toilet paper and heated toilet seats, enough to make Thomas Crapper (the inventor of the toilet) roll in his grave. This bathroom would most likely take the lead if not for being an element of AUP legend. 

Overall Score: 8.2/10 

1. Combes 5th Floor 


Image Credit: Amanda Clizbe 

Notable for its simplistic feng shui and rooftop access, this gorgeous commode is not for the faint of heart- it can only be accessed by climbing five grueling flights of stairs. But when you reach the top, pure bliss awaits you. Whether you're looking for a brief pause amid the chaos of your day or a beautiful birds-eye view of the street below, this porcelain throne will steal your heart. 

Overall Score: 9.1/10 

This article was written in loving memory of the Combes ground-floor bathroom, the unjustly murdered and forgotten bathroom of AUP. In its heyday, it was the hub of AUP bathrooms but was abruptly replaced by a useless wall shortly following students' return from winter break.